Prologue

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There is nothing human beings can't turn into a weapon. Especially when we apply ourselves with fervor and dedication to the age-old art of annihilating one another.

This book offers a brief, unexpected, but real arsenal. A historical journey through improbable weapons—such as handkerchiefs, windows, or tonic drinks—for whose lethal use we have scant records, and also through conventional weapons, tested in battle time and again—such as torpedoes, poisons, or bombs—but deployed recklessly. As the old saying goes: the devil loads the weapons, and people lacking sound judgment fire them.

During the writing and editing, we stopped to consider whether this turbulent present is the best context in which to publish a book that pokes fun at us humans who wage wars, or whether it might be better to wait until the drones stop hissing and the missiles grow mold, at least for a while. Since that's not going to happen, we decided to join the fray. We grabbed our keyboards, wielded our mice, took up positions in the colophons, and prepared for battle.

Now, with the book in your hand, you are hereby enlisted in the readers' division. Prepare yourself, soldier, put on your glasses, and advance with determination. But beware! The road isn't simple. There will be forks, setbacks, traps, betrayals, friendly fire, and a few secret messages you'll have to decode. Also a great many interesting characters, as befits a good history book. The only difference is that in this one, they're all crazy.